I don't want to hurt anyone with what I am about to say, but it is true, that even in Christian homes in our days, so many are so inept Biblically, speaking in rearing children.
There are two extremes that I have noticed in my life as a Christian and as a pastor, and those two extremes are, on the one hand too harsh, too cold, and too ridged, and unloving.....and on the other side, too friendly, too common, too much like the child to raise the child as an authority.
There are two essentials that have their place and their time...knowing when to be tough...and knowing when to be tender.
Have you parents noticed how many times your child will try to say something funny when you are trying to discipline them, and it's because they know that if they can get you to laugh, they can get you to break.
1. Parents that are full-time. Prov. 29:15-16 "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame." Usually, parental delinquency is the cause of child delinquency.
I doubt there has ever been a time when more children are "left to" themselves than our day, and it shows.
2. Personal faith in Jesus Christ.
Do you realize how many children never hear anything about God except Hearing His name in vain? Eph. 6:4-5 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Prov. 22:6-7 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
One of our Church members told my about the new phenomenon of children being in the hospital with problems sleeping, caused by going all day and night with noise in their ears. He told me that studies show that children who do not have a scheduled time to bed and to awake grow up to be unlearned.
I read where, "Like food and shelter, a child's need for sleep is basic. The healthiest, happiest kids are the best rested. A child's ability to learn, imagine, create, and socialize are all linked to getting a sound night's sleep, as rest gives a growing body and brain a chance to consolidate experiences, archive the day's memories, and process emotions." Scholastic Inc.
3. Paths to follow, in other words, Guidance from the Bible. “Instruction” appears 25 times in Proverbs! It speaks of reproof, warning, restraint, correction, discipline…Parents are to give it, and children are to receive it!
There is no doubt that Spirituality has a connection to social choices, and parents that are weak in providing Spiritual guidance are developing a recipe for failure and disaster in their children.
The worst part of child training is that by the time we realize what we did not do, Or what we did wrong, it's too late to correct that in our children. Had I known then what I know now, I would have played more and studied more earnestly to be a good father.
The two most important things about child training are, first, walking in the Spirit ourselves, and secondly, praying for Spiritual wisdom to be a blessing and a help for them. Having them in Sunday School and Church faithfully is only part of what has to happen. The dozens of hours during the week cannot be overcome in the short time at Church.
4. A biblical pattern for the different rolls each play in society, and eventually in their own home.
Let me explain: Look at Eph.5:21-33. These are not suggestions, but the actual pattern of God for the home.
It is the tendency in most cases, but not always, that the mother will be more tenderhearted and overlooking, and the father will be more firm and unmoved by tears etc.
This is not always true, but usually falls out this way.
I have noticed that many times when the mother is a more dominant and harder one, that it affects the sons in the family more than it does the daughters, and vice versa for the father when he is the more tender one.
And ladies and gentlemen, you need to understand that you're showing your daughter or son or both, how to act as a wife when she has marries, or a husband as the case may be.
I have noticed also that many times, not always, as a young man or young lady grows up, he or she will take on the opposite nature of the gender that they are, when they see that in the house.
He may act more feminine or she may act more masculine when rolls are reversed in the home.
Our children need to see the pattern in the home as it is backed up by the plan in the Bible.
5. Personal relationships that bond us for life.
I am of the opinion that families need to be bonded so closely, so strongly, so Spiritually, that there is never a time when doubt about affection, or about getting the right answers, or caring about each other is questioned.
There should be a trust that is so good, and unquestioned, that our children will know that they can come talk with us about what bothers them, or about what they feel they need to be open with us about.
May God bless each parent to see the necessity of Biblical training in the home and make that a priority, in fact, a ministry for life.